Tuesday, 2 October 2007

secret recipe

Just been looking at my stats, don't say I don't know how to give the public what they want.

Recipe for Nigella Lawson Hokey pokey cinder toffee from BBC2 Nigella Express.

Feeds: one hungry cookery writer, a film crew and a cab driver.
Chatty engaging preample:
You can get the ingredients from most supermarkets but Iceland is best ( I usually pop down in a Hanson cab) as they do multi-packs of crunchies.

1. With a sharp knife (make sure it's organic or a least free range) remove the outer wrapper of the crunchie.

(l love this bit it always reminds me of something my Granny use to say "posh people keep all their money by being too cheap to take flowers to a friend's house when they have sweated for hours to cook them dinner (sorry supper,)")

2. Next carefully slice off the chocolate. (I like to save this to eat late at night with some mustard or maybe you can use it to make "tiffin cake" which I call "rocky road" because we sell this programme to the americans).

3. Next take the last toffee hammer in Britain and break up the hokey pokey.

4. Now if you are going out to dinner (strangely as married person on your own) you may need to distract the host so I put the toffee in a nice tin (which I'll embarrisingly asked for back off my friends at the end of evening, even though my friend had her heart set on it)
that or use the ash tray from a 1960's camper van I lifted mine when I was boosting the cooler box from Jamie Oliver's split screen camper.

5. Lastly enjoy the crunchie sorry hoke pokey in the back of the cab in between swigs of pea and ham soup from your special Disney's Black hole flask.

Ps if you can't find real crunchie maybe if fairs in town you could buy some of that stale cinder toffee , the candy floss man use to sell. That had been in a dusty bag for a few weeks and just scrapped off the roof of your mouth, in preparation for a chewy stale brandy snap, and for lastly losing a tooth on a rock hard sour toffee apple.

Anyway I've got to dash and eat some goat curry in a lift before picking the kids up from councilling, they are having problems living in an alternative universe full fo fake "friends" a false replica of my house and where their step dad has completely disappeared.


Meanwhile on channel 4 Jamie is climbing trees with an elderly Italian man and later over on More 4 Gordon Ramsay has a sperm test.

Oh you've come back the credits have just finished and Nigella has popped back to microwave a rustlers Ranch burger, which she crams with tunnock caramel wafers and washes down with some apricot Yop.
You don't think she's eaten her husband do you?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Calling it Hokey-Pokey is nothing to do with pandering to Americans - its so continuity announcers can say things like: 'Stay in tonight for some Hokey-Pokey with Nigella' It will probably be banned in America as a result. She's the opposite of 'a bit of rough' - 'a bit of toff'
Mr. G.

BLTP said...

It has desended into camp nonsense it really has

James said...

I always thought Kathy Burke could've done a good Nigella skit as Waynetta Lawson.
Now the chance has gone forever as N.L. is clearly beyond parody, though that probably won't stop Dead Ringers.

plasterer bristol said...

nice, looks like such a delicious recipe. thanks for posting this recipe.


Simon