I got an email from the latitude festival today, (I’m giving glasto a miss the mud last year sapped my will I’m going to Suffolk where it doesn’t rain!)
Now I know its more lardy dah and there will be some annoying “aspirational” things there that will grate (being told the name of the pig in your hot dog etc). But to use the term “you guys” twice in email isn’t a good start, it’s an annoying phrase especial when used by women. It’s become a sort of chatty collective noun for mixed sex groups, bouncy teethy women in polo shorts use it when you go white water rafting as do waiters in all bar one; it’s meant to be jolly and clubbable but it is just annoying. So bouncy annoying polo shirt wearers and their managers I’m not your friend, we are not all in this together just say “hello” and tell me what today specials are, bring the food quickly and carefully and you may get a tip if the “scampi count”* is high and the vinegar is in bottle not a jug.
Oh and no I don’t want a special eco hut at festival I have marvellous Austrian tent and Italian coffee maker already that I bought from a fancy camping shop so if you guys don’t mind I stick to guy ropes .
ps these myhab things why don’t they say “new for latitude this year special crappy huts for the sort of loud media types who voted for Boris Johnson and will happily talk all the way through Elbow’s set death is too good for them.....”
Definition of “scampi count”
It’s Saturday lunch yo
ur first pint is having the right effect washing away the last one from earlier this morning, someone else is having a bloody Mary (“for the vitamins”) your “home cooked” “mind love this ‘uns hot” food comes along, if you’ve done the right thing and ordered Nephrops Norvegicus and you can’t count the number of delish breadcrumbed treats in a quick glance than you have a “high scampi count”. If said young’s finest are in the low teens or even “in the five items or less queue” then the scampi count is very low and your hangover will continue past football focus, past some neurofen and will start to throb by the time David Tennant has done that twinkly thing he does, go home now and lie down oh and change locals.PPs and down with those chalky peas they sometimes sell
8 comments:
Things that irk me more than they should: festivals.
Why do you put yourself through them BLTP? Most of the people who go to festivals don't seem to like music anyway.
Sorry. Rant over.
I don't like the word 'guys' either.
lattitude this year seems to have every band I like on so we are giving it a go, the people who don't like music are a plague at all gigs now a days sadly :(
Just had a look at the line-up - it is pretty good. Go and see Amadou & Mariam if you have a chance. The absolutely rock live.
I used to be a hardcore camper, am still a terror for a tune - but the two just don't mix . It's bad enough camping and when's someone radio is too loud 3 tents down.
But having The Stereophonics on full 110 watt volume at 3AM, people being sick on your tent and stoners on stilts is a no no..
Ms C:
that's the beauty of festival you can check out something outside your norm at no risk.
PM: apart from the mud last year at Glasto that final wore me down I can live with the odd disturbance at night i'm afraid, interpol, elbow, sigor ros Sea power, the breeders all in the same place should make up for the downsides. you could always get on train to vicky park for one love thing it's one day!
all bar one and whitewater rafting ? have i come to the right place ?
ally:
Don't worry sometimes my posts are works of pure imagination.
I hated 'Guys/ Guy' too but have started saying it now and I still feel bad about saying lunch instead of dinner, but at least I haven't started saying supper instead of tea - supper being correctly defined as a bit of Austrian smoked cheese and a couple of water biscuits just before bed.
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