Thursday, 14 June 2007

Listing Wildly

I was having to review literature databases for a work thing and got slightly distracted by the titles of some of the Journals we don’t subscribe too, I know “Have I got news for you” do something similar. All of the following I’m sure are perfectly decent publications, so this is mainly a celebration of the joys of deliberately misunderstanding titles.All the Journals below are real titles, Honest.

Xipe Totec: This is the one that started all this off, he is a South American god no idea what the journals about, could be weird.
Coal Preparation: Seems excessive my Nan use to knock the spiders of a shovel load and use the big lumps to keep it all going when the fire had taken.
Classic Recorder Collector: Ah bless them sometimes it’s too easy to be nasty.
Australian Voice: Presumably all the articles have to end on a upward inquisitive note. Large letter page full of whinges about everything everywhere not being as good as everything in OZ!
Area: Comes in several volumes! Sister journals diameter…..
Aries: Typical they are so big headed that they have our own magazine,..
Synthetic Communications: Observer Women’s monthly magazine’s real title! (oh satire)
British Poultry Science: Full of articles about how to contaminate your own farm and claim loads of money for it and also new recipes for watery chicken breasts, “cheese” and bread crumb combinations.
Hemingway Review: Poor old Ernest, do you think he’d have carried on all those year ago, warming his hands on his coffee whilst struggling to simplify his paragraphs before heading back to his icy garret, if he’d have known 70 years later people would be picking apart his prose to see if he was impotent?
Grey Room: Might need to think about changing the title?
Granular Matter: Sister journal to “Dust Bunny review”, “Tumble drier fluff quarterly”.
Dermatology Research & Practice: Don’t read before you have your tea plus makes you all itchy.
Explosion Theory & Modelling: Lots of pieces explaining why Kate Moss et al are unknown one day and then on every magazine cover the next. Or has there been some Zoolander style incidents on catwalks lately
Combustion, Explosion, & Shock Waves: Some people get to turn school boy hobbies into a career, lucky devils. Do you think there’s section on them “Chinese bangers” you had to buy on exchange visits to France. Also the audio book version was failure as most readers are deaf.
Cold War History: Cool stories about the Baader Meinhoff gang and Fidel’s beard we hope.
Trabajos de Geologia: Aren’t foreign names cooler
Symptom: rather large subject area don’t you think
Seminars in Inflammatory Bowel Disease: oh please really.
Gothic Studies: Based in Manchester (appropriately enough) full of over written dodgy florid poetry from people who use too much kohl, drink cider and black and who what to be called Cressida Buckthorn but are really Kelly Cartwirght. The letter page is in purple ink.
Executive Speeches: Formerly the Journal of insomnia treatment (I thank you)
Emergency Librarian: “Dammit if we don’t get that Dewey decimal code soon the whole place will go up!”
Breast Journal: Sorry I’m a child.
Beaver: (Canada's National History Society) No really, I’m sorry, I really am a child. I looked up you know what and those as well and I think they are in the following, in a leg crossing, uncomfortable way.
Urologic Nursing & Current Medical Literature: Urology : no free cd with this is one methinks.
Nomadic Peoples: How do they get it delivered to the right place?
Studies in French Cinema: the winner of the magazine with most uses of “Dialectic” and “paradigm” per article 1960- to present

The beauty and poetry of lists no 34:

Skin Research & Technology
Sky & Telescope
Slavery & Abolition
Sleep & Biological Rhythms
Small Axe: A Caribbean Journal of Criticism

AANA Journal American Association of Nurse Anesthetists:
How the Yanks get to the front of every list (except this one!)

1 comment:

Spitting Mad said...

Hahahahaha... love it.

Much appreciated.