Saddest pizza flier ever....

Saddest pizza flier ever....
Originally uploaded by bltphoto

Oh please I mean there's no mention if they are eating the "super chicken" or the "hot eater". Is this the greatest distance ever between the actuality of a product and the advert used to promote it? Dough Balls indeed.

Living on the edge with my erm...mobile phone..

Living on the edge with my erm...mobile phone..
Originally uploaded by bltphoto

Online survey page presumably aimed at those edgy risk takers you know people who text about x-factor and what we are having for our tea FFS.!

Reassuringly stupid

Bad ads #109: Stella-Nonsense
So, let's see this is a beer originated in Belgium brewed in Bedford or Luton and owned by a global brand and now identical to a bland american beer (that stole it's name from a Czeck beer) being advertised that it's aluminium cans can be re-cycled into a classic French car that was made out of steel.
In short Stella Artois isn't French.

Sorry, I know it's small beer (pun intended) it just annoyed me, as you where.

Post 700: It's parky out (of the country)

Tha’s a reet spinner thee aka Not just lies these are M&S lies....

Listening to the radio this morning, at the half hour up popped the sports news and the discussion turned to the English crickets team’s tour of Oz and look who popped up to comment on our travails, Sir Michael Parkinson.

No big surprise there Parky’s been using the same 5 anecdotes to talk about sport for most of his career. But here’s the thing t’old MP is sunning himself down under and yet and yet before Christmas he was on the TV all the time telling us about the hilarious argument he and their lass were having about what would be on’t t’table chez Parky come Dec 25th. And yet he wasn’t as He and Mary would like us to believe sat in some prefab pensioners bungalow in Stairfoot or Wombwell blanket on their knees sharing a M&S turkey crown dinner for 2 and some mince pies with some squirty cream on top on a tray in front of the popping gas fire watching the horrors unfold on ‘stenders. Nor was He even sat next to the inglenook in his top end gastro pub in Berkshire waiting for the petit fours to come around. No Mr “we were having a reet to do about the smoke salmon starters in Mark’s wet fish section t’other day” Parkinson was sunning himself in Ramsay St. grazing on Barramundi and prawns!

If we can’t trust adverts what can we trust, you’ll be telling me next that Andi Macdowell doesn’t use 10 quid bottles of hair dye next.

the age of enlightenment cancelled

Unreason and stupidity in Pret a Mange!

It was raining so I went to Mcdonald's sorry their sandwich shop Pret.

Now it's normal shop selling complicated coffee mayonnaise crammed butties but one thing caught my eye their Low fat Gazpacho.

Now healthy eating is always portrayed as tricky and confusing but I'm sure that even Kerry "nice prawn ring and a frozen peachy surprise" katona doesn't need telling that a soup made of liquidised vegetable is already low fat.

How could you make a high fat Gazpacho?
My copy of 1080 Spanish recipes has 3 versions of the Spanish classic the most fat you'd get is 1 half fluid ounces of olive oil in your bowl. But no, in this gullible anxious world we live in they can sell "gammy"* soup as low fat the same as they sell water with vitamins in it, coke free from "preservatives" that is except for all the sugar that is.

Pret don't add "preservatives" the salt in their BLTs being there for poetic reasons presumably.

Oh and it goes on the new Stella ad for example which proudly tell us it has contained Maize since 1366 which is strange as Columbus only got to the America's where maize comes from in 1492......

It's a sad in week when we have just started to explore the beginnings of time we are all still perceived as dumb enough to keep swallowing this hokum whole.

I'm off to eat something that's full of "chemicals" washed down with some "organic" water or maybe just a tunnock caramel wafer and some kia-Ora!

* the description "Gammy" was by food expert and beer writer PB who know's about this sort of thing he's written books and been on UK style telly and that, he also use to eat a load of findus frozen crap as a kid and used have that kraft cheese spread that came in a jar which was definitely never sold as low fat or even god forbid "chemical" free

The running, jumping and standing still show

Olympics

A little bit of sport isn’t a bad thing I could do with out the following though:


After someone has been training everyday since 1996 and raced 10’s of miles on her bike in the rain expecting them to say anything more “ I’ve won, ‘kin’ hell I’ve won” is stupid, annoying and totally unenlightening stop it now.

Bland glib Olympic sponsors advert:
Choice ones this time: one for a fancy watch were a little Chinese girl gets lifted up to see into the stadium by her grand dad, I have suspicions in realty some friendly police would arrest them and put them under house arrest at best.

Next is one for a phone, the creatives at the agency having all the sports in the world to choose from decided that the funkiest exciting totally cool thing ever ever is for some poxy DJ in 80’d leather jacket to mix up a funky tune from the sounds of squeaky trainers, cue the crowd goes wild.

Also bugger Damon “I don’t make cheese or want to be MP I’m the other no not him with funny voice you know the singer” Albarn and Tank girl boy why isn’t this the theme tune for every Olympics?

Message from our sponsors

Everyone is always going on about American DVD box set TV series, now they are entertaining and I like some of them Sopranos, ER, and West Wing but then again Spooks and Life on Mars are good too. But when they are shown on Channel 4 they do have one problem….

Welcome back

……They bloody cut to an ad break 2 minutes into the cocking show. It is so annoying and no I’m not going to shell out on the box set (not after the leccy bill turned up today) £40 for telly programme that you watch once!

Oh and can we put a moratorium of the use of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah (in all its versions) on drama show soundtracks, it’s the go to song for instant elegiac integrity but is in danger of being over used.

I don't want to be Catty but

Can we start talking sense?

I’m afraid I’m back to business/ad speak again, I think one of the reasons this nonsense persists is that in the age of the blackberry etc, no ever has to say these words out loud (at least in mixed company) as if they did surely their mouths would fill with ashes and their teeth would fall out, as such torture of the English language must by a mortal sin.

The phrase that struck me was in the paper this morning at the end of one those interviews with famous people where they shamelessly talk about shopping.

This weeks star was with former yoof tv presenter and brummie Cat Deeley, you know form, one of those pieces where they say “vintage” when they mean “second hand” and where there’s no shame about spending £500 on bag. Nothing new in any of this except at the end, because Cat wouldn’t talk about shopping without some higher purpose there is the usual plug for her latest project. Ms Deeley isn’t selling a book, or tv show nor is she the next Roxie doo dah in Chicago no she’s and I quote “guest editing http://www.visuaurlife.co.uk/, a new website which gives expert direction to online shopping”
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!

Ps. With reference to Ms Deeley “list of stuff she’s bought” I must try to calmly discuss sometime how new age types square their “touchy-feely” beliefs with the sort of hard edge business practice that being a “personal yoga instructor” must involve, “yes, Miss Deeley can I call you Cat, I sensed you were spiritual person from the first time we met, and you have such a lovely home……”

Sorted for E numbers and ....

Am I the only one to misunderstand the recent Heinz baby food ad as showing toddlers pushing drugs, it's all faintly unpleasant.

Egotist, egotist.....

Get that girl a hat stand!

A sure sign that the clocks are going back is the start of the perfume ad season. We can look forward to weeks of random aesthetic choices made by the international petrochemical companies (sorry fashion houses) as the impossibly gorgeous, have mock fights, swan around on beaches, and morph into piano keys, pretend to play the sax, dive into pools which turn into wine glasses you know all the “aspirational” nonsense used to sell bottles of scent. They all finish off with an asthmatic continental whispering "pour l'homme pas Christian Dior" seemingly with a mouth full of crisps.

A particular favourite is the new Chanel one where for some reason Ikea Twice Knightly after a busy day as the Bradford & Bingley girl climbs down of a giant clock and tries to look sultry in the hall mirrors last seen in enter the dragon.

It’s marginally better than Nicole Kidman’s weird “I love to dance” but have lost the ability to act film from last year.