Sunday, 21 February 2010

Paper review: The New Observer: Bad photoshop & Zorro's Beard

Went out for paper this morning which is increasingly rare thing I often seem to read it on line if at all. But out of curiosity I stumped up my 2 quid. The same amount paid for a BLT sarnie, small bottlette of orange juice and a packet of low fat Walker’s ready salted the other day let's see which is the best deal....

Update a few minutes later:

Well I wrote that intro before opening the paper, and I've been sidetracked by an apparent dodgy bit of photoshopping see above (click on th pciture for more detail). In the magazine half way through there seems to a model (or “super model” as people say except, don't most people have to have heard of you in order to get super powers?). Natalia (funny how Natalie sounds sexier in Russia than Walford) Vodianova.

It's a puff piece about her charity work and general gorgeousness on the right-hand side Nat is pictured wrestling with a towel (as only models do) she’s in eyes closed ecstasy or maybe has indigestion. The odd thing though is the towel/shroud seems to have been photoshopped on later. The line along the her chest seems oddly defined and one dimensional and the whole thing looks oddly monochrome (it may just be bad reproduction) or that they simply cutting further corners and knocking out sexy pics of babes but being shy of showing too much skin. This looks like the original shoot by Heidi Slimane where Nat seems at home waving her bits around.

After that I spent some time wondering whether in the next remake of Zorro, Jay Rayner is going to star as. My moneys on him playing Zorro's old school friend who's now a successful but corrupt lawyer and who ends up with lots of z's in his overstuffed upholstery.





As for the rest of it:

Be still my beating heart 8 pages of spoffle from Andrew Rawnsley about Gordon Brown. The shocking news is that a middle aged Scots man is occasionally bad tempered. Rawnsley must the dullest insider politico going, one of those breathless writers who are never far away from writing "it's been a torrid 48 hours for Darling..."

They seem to have culled the Travel section, no loss to me as I could never afford the sort of aspirational Maldives holidays they usually covered. The business and money section seem to have gone to.

We still have the dull New York Times supplement sadly. Not sure how supposedly one of the most exciting cities in the world produces such a dull worthy newspaper. Hold the front page there's a review of Jeff “high ho silver lining “Beck.

Sports pages: like all newspapers (but not all sports fans) the Guardian group is obsessed with Fergy’s every gruff utterance yawn. The winter Olympics meanwhile gets 3/4 page on page 15 and Barnsley’s extensive coverage seems to have fallen out of my copy.
Speaking of things falling out thankfully only a flier of amnesty international in my copy.

Elsewhere Nigel Slater is cooking chicken I know I was shocked too.

Tried to read “the New Review” section but it opened at a picture of Rufus "foghorn Leghorn" Wainwright dressed as a Pierrot clown which is for me is a near perfect depiction of the seventh level of Hell, so much so that I had quickly close it again and make some more tea. The only good thing about RW being in the paper is he isn’t singing.

The rest of “the New Schmoo review” seems like they saved up pieces on the bloke from "the Wire" and that Swedish thriller writer people go on about to tempt us in . So once I've shredded foghorn’s picture I may return. It’s on thicker paper which will make soaking up spilt olive oil much better.

So would I have been better off with a value basic lunch and a sit on bench sadly probably.

3 comments:

davy h said...

Guffaw!

I quite liked the Review thingy.

Tycho said...

Once had to crudely photoshop a lab coat onto a picture of a plant scientist in a feature article 15 minutes before going to press. He phoned in a panic saying he'd lose his job if it was revealed he had handled GM cress improperly dressed. Maybe Natalia Vodianova had a similar health-and-safety related dilemma?

al_uk said...

ahhhh galloping middle age has rendered you conservative." these new fangled papers are not what they used to be...I can't find anything and I miss getting all that ink on my hands"
I happen to have enjoyed the article on Steig Larson's partner along with probably the other 22 million who have read his books. I enjoyed the article on the hobbit and can't wait to sign up for my photos from space, (for info the money and business sections are at the back of the main section, discovered this morning over my cereal) I liked being able to read all the sections of the magazine I usually read at the front of the magazine and leave all the worthy articles to later in the week, I agree the photo of Jay is odd as is the one of Lucy. the article on fergie was strange and insipid, and there were no books or records that particularly interested me but you can't beat a bit of beckology.