The Blame Game

Accountability Friday:

NO sorry miss posh big buttons (Kirstie Alsopp) it was you the Daily Mail, andTony Blair: who ruined housing in Britain

Chelsea & Leeds: it was you who ruined football.

Green & Black: it was you who ruined chocolate.

Moustachioed former military man Mr Pringles: it was you who ruined crisps

Nazi Lego: it was you who ruined toys

Made up corporate nonsense Hagen Daz it was you who ruined ice cream.

Imperial Airship Scheme (specifically the R101): it was you who ruined Airship development in the UK.

Dear god make it stop they’ve made a new series and they can’t even get an actor to do a London accent and they are now doing best of clips shows showing how terrible it is reminiscing about the characters as if they are A good and B real! Make it stop please make it stop the actors are all 40 now pretending to be 19, farting just isn’t that funny, they cancelled “Pulling” for this?: 2 pints of lager and a packet of crisps*: You not only ruined TV, you despoiled large areas of the north west, devalued Greggs the bakers and caused blindness and dandruff in parts of equatorial guinea yet to charted. You are also on after Family Guy so I sometimes can’t turn over in time and see 3 horrifying seconds of your under written over played faintly patronising crud I hope you all eat dodgy shellfish or get a hotel room with nylon sheets when you’ve not cut your toe nails or get one of the faulty sky boxes that break all the time or end up at dinner sat next the one off “loose women” who use to be married to Chris Evans and she’s whingeing about paint finishes and child care and you want to pick you teeth but you can’t and so you secretly try to dislodge the lump of corn but you just start to drool even more and so you have to sit there listening to her go on about vintage paint and organic chicken nuggets but the corn is widening the gap in your teeth and you want to stretch your legs but you kicked that horsey women across the way last time you did it and she scowled at you so your legs are starting to cramp and now it’s light switch surrounds and playdates and your legs ache and your glass is empty and the corn is still there and the horsey women just moved the wine out reach and last time you asked she gave you another look as if to say haven’t you had enough but at least at least you’re not watching Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps eating Thai green curry flavoured wholemeal Pringles.....

*Also can I ask what sort order is two pints of lager who goes to pub and shares 1 packet of crisps it wasn’t that funny in the song?