Same old story.......

Why are all modern Christmas films the same?

I was sorting things out this afternoon and had my 5 channels on (still no freeview) and there were a number Christmassy films on, Elf on, channel 4 one about skating and reindeer on 5. There were more last weekend and stacks more to come. The depressing thing is that all recent xmas films only have one plot ie. materialistic person who hates this time of year falls in love with it all again usually via some over optimistic type.


Yesterday the Muppet Christmas Carol was on and here lies the problem as this is were they get their stories from and they all suffer from the problem Dickens had which is Scoorge is much more interesting when he's nasty. So they all trun out abit bland which may be the point I haven't seen bad Santa but I bet he doesn't end bad.

How about some new Christmas films how about someone who loves Christmas too much and has to learn to turn it down abit. Or a rebellion in santas toy factory or how about a film about real British christmas not the "love actually version "where people snog in their pants in the show at Borough Market but you know grim office parties, burnt veggie cutlets, queuing in Argos and having your debit card declined, getting cards from people who haven't written in ages, cheery eastend pubs that open up at minutes notice to give lunch to a random assortment of vaguely related shouty market traders (oh that's christmas Eastenders) any how about anew story.

Less Passion from less protein

UN turns into Stanley Green

From today's paper:

What next Ban-ki-moon at Oxford circus with a loud hailer telling us we are all "sinners not winners"?

Stanley Green Info.

Xmas Fayre

"Now for the 5 th today lets' see what happening in Albert square"

The BEEB'S Xmas schedules out, here's some first reactions:

Dr Who and Kylie:

Hasn't let us down yet apart from the shrieking Catherine Tate episode. The jury's still out on the french maid costume!



To the Manor Born:
Do we really need this , everyone forgets it was a hit when we still only had three channels the pubs were closed on Sundays and sex had not spread to every corner of these sodden isles.

Liverpool Nativity: Stop already, this presumably is based on the Manchester Passion which it self was based on the tenuous thread that the Stone Roses had a song with "I am the Resurrections" in it.

The whole thing seems to be set up so the BEEBs own comedy shows have ready made material , cue jokes about Mary and Joseph fleeing for Egypt in a stolen car, the problems finding wisemen /virgins in Toxteith, you know the stuff. Worth tuning to see how they work "Ferry" into the plot and for the inevitable siting of Pete Wylie.

Richard Hammond meets Evel Kinevel: My Nana saw a biopic of Mr Knivel and declared him a "bad lot" plus our S got the wind up stunt bike not me, so I won't watching this nonsense, so there.

Heston Blumenthal's perfect Christmas. Surely this should have been shown in August as there is no way 2 weeks is long enough to cook a turkey at 30c and also we will need to borrow one of those Iranian centrifuged to make the pudding and there'll lots of paper work and that.

PS.
Definition : Christmas Special :usually funny* 30 minute comedy show stretched to 60-90 mins but containing no more jokes, usually shot outside possible in Australian, can lead to a feeling of bleak disappointment on an otherwise happy day.

* NB Doesn't apply to French and Saunders who aren't even that funny normally.

New Moon!

How the UN can improve Christmas TV

It was only this morning that I realised the full joy of the new head of UN’s name.
Ban-Ki Moon.
He doesn’t sound like a hard line enforcer does he? (I think Ban-Ki might sound more serious with hard K not the soft which makes him sound like a lap dog as in “come here, my little Bank- Ki who’s clever boy then”)

Although his name does suggest that my yearly Christmas watching of Eastenders could be improved. If there’s a plot line next Christmas where the head of the UN turns up to visit Nana Moon’s grave and then on hearing of her mistreatment Ban-ki has it out with his distant cousin Alfie in the Queen Vic, I’ll be watching. They will then have the traditional grim shouty Xmas dinner in the saloon bar, followed by some more shouting outside in the square. Old Bank-Ki can then bring in the blue helmets to pull apart two cat fighting b-listers and his last line should be “and I thought Darfur was grim” cue drum roll.