Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Look I won't say this again stop this cup cake madness now!!!

The gloopy saccharine zeitgeist rolls on as the whole country gets smothered in garish covered butter cream and sickly icing. I return to the subject of cup cakes (or BUNS as they have been called ever since Mrs Bero first turned out a moist sponge). They as I have said before become a gluten plague clogging up our high streets , the over sweet aspirational panacea for Cameron's thieving Etonocracy.
Sorry for the blurry picture but here we have them with the other consumer emollient of age: the slanket.

But what really made despair was when out in Otley at the weekend. Otley is nice, oddly rural (being so close to Leeds) but nice and the market is good . But down a side street there was a shop called the "the Yorkshire soap co" one of those stripped down boutiquey shops . In the window was a display of  bath bombs in the shape of cup cakes. And so the circle is complete; the focus group yummy mummy kath kidsonopocalyse is upon us  , the  two of the main ways to sell crud especially to women , "naughty but nice oh go on treat yourself" sickly treats and because your worth it pampering treats in one pretty package. The whole shop was twee in a that blank eyed way those shops are with it's Glass domes and  hand written signs and yet blandly corporate.

I was given a bath bomb once when Lush first appeared  can't say I was massively won over it produced a slightly artificial smelling bath which afterwards and there's no pleasant way of saying this looked like one of my flat mates had thrown up in the tub, it took 10  minutes to get rid of the bits of petal and oddly persistent foam.

Of course these bombs won't actual be used in anger they'll be admired for a few seconds over coffee and than sit getting dutsy on some window sill with all the other forgotten lotions and potions. Of course anyone with any taste would head across to Geo. Middlemiss award winning shop opposite for a hot pork pie or if they want something that's truly pretty in pink.


al_uk said...

I wholeheartedly agree but Chris we are behind the times....its Whoopie Pies now. Must admit I've never tried them and I have never seen them in the various stalls in the Market in Tarn when buying my corned beef and potato slice. My sources tell me they are the new cup cake, I believe because they are easier to make.

Mr G. said...

You forgot to mention the soap co's only redeeming feature. It blows out an endless stream of bubbles into the market square to entertain your kids whilst you savour the best pork pies in the world.

BLTP said...

Mr G: Ooops yes I forgot the bubbles

davy h said...

Rhubarb. Is what.

warren said...

Hello Chris

I am the proud owner and maker of The Yorkshire Soap Company and felt compelled to write a comment on your recent blog.

I apologise that my soap shop and the products I make made you despair, next time you visit Otley or better still Hebden Bridge, which is where my 3000 sq ft soap shop is situated and where all the products are made, introduce yourself, I will gladly let you have some samples of the products or should I say "crud" that I make, so that you can try them and then have a more informed opinion, it may change your mind.

I make many different styles of soaps from traditional to the more artisan and I am sure there is something that would be suitable and that you would enjoy !

One of my cold processed, colour free, scent free, "twee" free bars would be right up your street, or perhaps one of my carbolic bars would be even better, either way I have products to suit every body and every taste.

Best wishes


PS : I totally agree, Mr Middlemiss does make the best pork pies in town, his daughter in law is one of my best customers.

Greg said...

Rubarb and Pies? I feel almost soaked to the skin in testosterone, I'm sure there is no more manly a man than yourself... However as a Bar owner in Otley, i can assure you this shop is an asset to the town. You talk of a "corporate image" for a company with 2 shops, surely this can only be a credit to the owners (although not your intention, i believe). They've made you an offer to try their goods, so why not run yourself a bath and drop in one of their products. You could even mix it with your blog's passion for Dusty Springfield... Don't worry after the bath you can sink 4 cans of Stella and beat someone up and your masculinity i'm sure will be restored!! Don't even get me started on "crud", what are you 6???

BLTP said...

Thanks "Greg", for popping by to spread your casual anonymous late night homophobia. I don't know where to start with your post apparently I'm a violent macho thug(based on a liking for a pink vegetable and the odd pork pie) as well being somehow gay because I like Dusty Sprinfield. It's funny I quite liked Otley but am rapidly going off the place, as all the business owners seem to be rather chippy sorts who think the best way to advertise their businesses is to abuse potential customers online.