Masterchef vs Master race

The beast of days
Originally uploaded by bltphoto

Don't say you've not been warned when it starts raining frogs and the seas boil.The end of time is near thankfully there's a hero to save us......It can now be told Gregg Wallace's impressive appetite fuelled by endless sticky sweet puddings devoured in with eye rolling spoon swallowing glee is used to sustain his demonic powers to aid him in his eternal battle against zombie Nazis!!

The final countdown: The MasterChef Final
Flavour, flavour, flavour....

Blimey that was tense, and frankly speaking a quite brilliant programme.It would have been an excellent food programme even if it wasn’t the final.

Seeing inside the top restaurants was fascinating, I’m amazed at how open these chefs are. They don’t need the publicity the hassle of filming entails (as they booked up months in advance), there can be only a couple reasons they agree to it. The power of the those 3 magic letters B.B.C or just maybe even Michelin starred chefs are obsessed to see if Sports Pr from Swindon can sear tuna properly!

By the end the final had come down really to Mat or Andy. I think sadly Chris was just too inexperienced. There are only so many meals you can eat in 25 years of life and every year the others had over him gave them 600 plus more chances of gaining that extra bit edge on him. Chris should pack his rucksack and travel the world as commis chef; he’ll be fine I’m sure.

Next up came Andy the producers really wanted me to hate him adding one last titbit to put me off he’s a North Londoner! But cooking the tuna dish in Spain with an entire 3 star restaurant literally watching him (did you see that even the waiters where leaning in to check him out!) took some courage and even though Andy used the term “I’m completely bouffed” by the end I had finally warmed to him, he was is a very skilful cook.

Lastly Mat who almost lost my support with the producers insist on telling us again his “journey” but the cooking he did in Copenhagen looked amazing. I don’t normally fancy these hyper stylised dishes but the skate and the steak tartare he cooked looked delicious.

I sort of knew he was ahead when they played one favourite tunes by Moby “god moving of the face of the waters" over shots of him on the dock in Copenhagen. I’m sure doing your tax returns would look heroic and inspiring with that sort backing.

So it was down to final 3 courses and it was genuinely tense, Chris’ dishes just weren’t sharp enough and poor old Andy stumbled (forlorn like Steve Ovett being passed by Seb Coe on the last corner) destined for another silver medal.

So Mat just won through with some incredible food, the only bum note to my mind was the chips with the spider crab chowder but the whole thing looked fantastic; he’s a deserved winner.

Post Prandial thoughts

Obviously weekday evening at 8 are going to be a bit empty for while now. I think this was best series of MasterChef I’ve seen. This brings me to a few last points. I think by the final the contestants had almost outclassed their judge’s knowledge. I think that the cooking was almost beyond the experience of Gregg and possibly even John (and this may heresy) they may need to get some guest judges in to help decide. Gregg was wonderful almost lost for words by the end and you could tell John was moved by how far the 3 lads had come.

Which leads me to my final point: reality TV gets slagged off a lot (and I’ve done my share of carping) but I think the difference with programmes like Masterchef and perhaps Celebrity come dancing is that unlike X factor or “come dime with me” you get to see people excel to do something you can’t do and do it beautifully. X factor and its ilk are about chav baiting, watching people mess up, belittle themselves (there is a hint of this in the early rounds of MC) and the winners normal aren’t sublimely skilled. But on Masterchef and the odd other shows like the young musicians show on BBC2 you see people get improve and achieve amazing things. And everyday people achieving excellence must something worth celebrating.

TV doesn’t get better than this.

Burleigh believable:

Penultimate MC Update: Almost at the final fence with Masterchef and it's a stampede of poshness as Matt, Andy and Chris have to cook for show jumping fans at 3 day event. They even have to cook for Zara Philips to mind the Chav Princess with her so posh she can barely talk accent and bad bleached hair she never comes over well. I know she's a world champion sportswoman oddly though in a sport that after the grand prix, the Americans cup and diamond throwing requires shed loads of cash (can't think where she gets here talents from)

Anyway cooking 200 hundred perfectly fancy "boudaful plates of food" is impressive and it almost went pear shaped for all of them. In the end even Zara P seemed impressed. Wouldn't you be tempted to serve the royals layers of gossamer pasta with tiny pea puree hidden at the bottom!

MC question of the day: Is anyone else getting slightly creeped out by Chris' neck beard? It looks kind of itchy and wrong!

The teardrop explodes?: next up the really hardcore test, cooking for 8 16 starred Michelin chefs; this round is always astonishing with the contestants virtually going from zero skills to full on head chef in a day. Matt made these sort of Heston style chocolate tear drops encased in glucose that seemed to defy the laws of physics. I felt a bit sorry for Chris as his dish seemed over complicated and I'm never sure of savoury dishes with liquorice in them.

The scenes at the end after where contestants were filmed seemingly in shock were actually very moving the camera lingering almost too long on even posh Andy who looked totally spent.

So the final is almost here! All sensible people want Matt to win but even beardy Chris is finishing strongly!

One Last thing:
So what sort of fancy Masterchef tea are you going to have tonight? You should have something at bit special to celebrate don't you think? I may go for some good chicken with some fancy greens of some kind or maybe something with saffron in it.

Common as MC.

Of Cabbages and Kings* : Master Chef Update

It’s been said that I’ve become obsessed with the class undertones of this year’s Masterchef well that may be the case but then they go and film at Buckingham bleeding Palace home of Britain's least favourite family what’s a dirty trot like me to do.

The lickspittles and forelock tuggers who work for Lizzy and her brood eat fairly well it seems, even if they do it in contravention of the labour laws! We know this as one of the liveried 3rd Toadies of the back stairs claimed only to be allowed 15 mins for lunch so Matt and the MCboys had better pull their fingers out. Of course the Queen is exempt from most laws as well as being tight so adequate breaks for middle age men who are still called a Page is not surprising (obviously Charlie boys toothpaste won’t squeeze it’s self).

The food the MC crew knocked up looked like not too bad high end canteen fare, less apes, peacocks and ivory more grilled fish, ratatouille and sweet corn!!!

Good news on the Chris front as he did well and posh boy Andy who obviously would much prefer to be up stairs with his snooty mates than spud bashing in kitchen with the 4th under-postillion of the Corgi Kennel floundered somewhat.

More posh people to cook for tomorrow hurrah!

Couple more things tonight I know reality shows aren’t real but you really don’t need to cross the river twice to get from MC HQ to the palace!

Oh and Gregg Wallace is a Millwall fan.

Flippin' excellent: The chez BLTP Pancake Day menu in the end was spinach, bacon, mushrooms and cheese filling and to follow some of excellent Xmas marmalade! And the secret: Nigella’s recipe (with an extra egg added) and a nice brand-new pan!

* Queen surely? Ed.

Black Forest Watch

Mac MC Update:

Off to chilly jockland for the obligatory cooking with army sketch in MasterChef tonight.
Contestants always seem to make a big deal of this sort thing tonight McPosh Womble Andy was floundering obviously he was less of backpacker than perhaps we first thought used to the "not so rough guide" it seems as he didn't like tins of "standard meat for the use of "and K rations.

It's strange because arguably in Scouts is one of the places where I (and my brothers) learnt to cook. We did cook bits of food at home but fending for ourselves at camp was a great laugh and excellent training. We were fortunate to have a proper leader "Skip" who pulled strings and got us a campsite where we could cook on fires and chop down tree etc.

He also insisted we ate well so we ate cornbeef hash, cooked breakfasts and steamed bread and butter puddings etc most of which we cooked ourselves for our patrol.

On one memorable occasion we had to build a platform 15 feet up a tree and cook a meal there! So a few peckish squaddies wouldn't be that much of challenge you just need to bash enough spuds and make enough custard.

After the field test it was back to the barracks where this time Chris floundered making posh snap for what the programme called officers but I think were NCO's (not that it matters to anyone but the Army).
Anyway this was to my mind flawed "team challenge". Flawed because until now it's been dog eat dog and so to expect contestants to work together is a bit odd (even though it's the basis of professional cheffing)
Sadly Chris wasn't bossy enough and Andy took over but the army boys didn't notice and gave their rather muted approval by banging on table.

Tomorrow it's off to the palace!


"Baking doesn't get any batter than this"

I must introduce and thank my own personal masterchefs whilst up in Yorkshire last week I was fed really well (as usual) by my Bros, who having families have an excuse to bake endless goodies.

Our A made a variety of his famous eponymous biscuits this time half dipped in chocolate. These were an exercise in precision and restraint and went too quickly to photograph. Whilst our S went all Nigellla on us and produced this here wonderfully over top birthday cake (it's on the cusp of camp don't you think ) for one of my nephews .

I'm sure John might have scoffed a little (he's rarely fulsome in his praise) but t'old Gregg would have disappeared in pool of drool... good work fellas!

Lastly Pancake Tuesday:
Are you having Pancakes tomorrow?
If so what to put on 'em lemon & sugar, nutella, cheese, marmite?

Masterchef exclusive!!!*

The secret location of MasterChef HQ revealed**


Well a quick walk round the block and I can reveal the location of Gregg and John's lair.

Thanks to Russ for the tip off .Here is the photographic proof.

It makes sense though as it's just round the corner from JT's restaurant in Smithfield !

* well except to the 300 students who live there!
** and to the hundreds of people who work in the offices in the street!

Bastwick Street, London EC1.

Chris, Christopher, Crisis

MC Update: Little Dancing flavours:

I know I’ve been remiss in all this but I’m afraid firing rockets, being daft with my smaller relatives and eating top cakes (see later).

Tonight’s final of the semi finals only had one aim for me that was that someone called would Chris get into the final and Ideally posh backpacker Andy would be slung out with his backpack and rough guides into the veg peelings and fish bones.

The semis have definitely moved onto FOOD, so sending the 4 finalist to restaurants to challenge their skills was good. Having a master class in Japanese food or Poulet bresse would be ace. So lamb was trussed and samphire steamed , sadly one Chris (the Greek Londoner father of two) was a bit out of his depth but came round the others battle against fancy dressings and harsh but fair head chefs.

Back in Masterchef HQ (more which later) they did their own versions of what they’ve learnt and finally enter the critics.....

Charles Campion, Kate Spicer and of course everybody's favourite celeb cyberstalker Jay “I’ve never even set foot in Clapham honest” Rayner.

Timings the thing here and sadly things got away for old Chris and Mat (father of 3) but sadly not smarmy Andy who probably ended a head of the rest with prissy north African fare. Thankfully Christopher’s (youngish no kids yet) Pear Tartin had the critics drooling so he stayed and Mat’s dream of family fish restaurant continues.

It's a Mash Up:

Tonight was mash-tastic with it being served 4 or 5 times. It’s strange how mash has come back into fashion. As a kid it was just mash we never really had bangers and mash in the way it’s big thing now, it was always sausage bean and chips in our house. Now a days it almost a religion back then it was what you had for tea.

PS: Is a Masterchef Family Guy mash up anyone elses idea of Tv heaven?..

he eats like a Welshman don't you think he eats like Welshman...

MC Update week 500!

It’s toasted, it’s nutty, it’s tasty, it’s sweet, it’s The MC quarter final.

What did we learn from today’s show?
Well the power of blogs! Was it me or did they the slightly posh tones of India knight utter the phrase “father of two...” this is in direct response to this blogs 10 minute campaign for sexual equality in the MC kitchen fact.

What else oh yes, how hard is it to cook breakfast?
I am liking this cooking breakfast test, most of the fancy Dans who enter MC don't see to able to make an omelette or grill a sausage, they’ve obviously spent too much time with couscous and tians of crab and not enough time in the cafe.
One lass Michelle had a hard time on the eggs Benedict and was put onto just scrambled by a head chef who sounded like the Wurzle’s roadie.

So after the "fire" of the 18 hr cooking test it was the cook off which after some liver, Pear and apple surprises (and a classic look from Gregg) it was won by Michelle with some classy far eastern spicing.

Masterchef quote of day:
“These are very, very, very big daddy veggies”
(Who else Gregg “turnip botherer” Wallace)

On to the final via the disappointing ambition test which winnowed down the pack further. Once the root veg was dissected Leaving posh backpacker Andy (no mention of any kids but there was that Ozy lass at the fullmoon party in Goa....), new mum Michelle and full time mum Rachel!

Andy knocked up some North African fare, Michelle more spicy Malaysian (?) dishes and putative deli owner Rachel British plates of food. I thought Andy had made a school boy error with his weedy looking rice pudding (one tip for Mc contestant never stray far these isles when it comes to puds) but it didn’t matter too much.
In the end Rachel went back to her dreams of a bistro and presumably well paid husband, teeth don’t whiten themselves after all!

And Michelle who had come back on the rails just missed out so Andy “I’ve always travelled I was born in Singapore” won out with his quail and pomegranate.

Next time it's the semis!

What else have we learnt ?

That the crystal voiced India fisher (that's her brooding at the top) use to be a Doctor's assistant and is linked to everyone’s favourite retro Sheff crooner Richard Hawley, her brother was in the Long pigs with RH.


Another thing we learnt: is that Masterchef HQ is somewhere near Moorgate in the city we may need to do some more detective work to track it down.

Ladies and gentlemen let’s cook.

MC Update:
Masterchef will you stop with the sexism already?
Tonight we were told that one contestant was a “Rachel mother of 3” twice but no mention of the male contestant’s reproductive status. If the contestants talk about their families fine but stop with the “shouldn’t you be at home cooking fish fingers” insinuation it’s two thousand and chuffing nine*.

Nice twist tonight the endurance test a good test of ability and stamina still didn’t seem to count for much in judging though.

Mystery ingredient: You never see peas on MC not crushed or pureed just peas with a bit mint I love peas me .
*She did win so she won’t mind.

Like being given a big kiss by a lemon

MC update:
After being prodded here it is:
Someone rang up just as MC was starting and I try not to be so shallow as to tell them to ring back after I’ve watched some with bald bloke eat a meringue. So I pressed record and then watched it all a bit disjointed, the second half first.

Reading about the original designer of Playmobile Hans Becks who died this week I found out that he had strict rules as to what they could depict in 7.5 cm plastic.

"no horror, no superficial violence, no short-lived trends”

(which could be good advice for all contestants on MC!)

So in honour of that I decided to instigate “the Playmobile Masterchef employment test” i.e. you can only go on Masterchef, if you have a job depicted by a Playmobile figure.

So builders, policewoman, fireman, nurses, famers all ok, sports pr, advertising consultants and publishers probably not. This does mean however that Pirates, Vikings, lion tamers and even the Devil can go on the show hurrah!

Last night they would have passed the test with flying colours as we almost had all the village people. All except that is no member of Lakota Sioux chose to serve up a “fusion” Bison meat Thai curry. We did have a Fireman, a Policeman, the obligatory hapless student and a farmer’s daughter.

Sadly we also had a publisher called Morag, who was obviously more at home ordering in restaurants than cooking in them. Morag fell at the second hurdle partly because the British public won’t march on parliament because the banks have nicked our money but we will burn down number 10 if someone wins Masterchef with the sole intention of turning their ill gotten holiday home into chi-chi B & B serving “Franglais” food!

Last night’s show was surprisingly about food and a rare thing happened I actually fancied one of the dishes. I know this sounds odd but unlike other cookery shows I rarely think watching MC that looks really tasty. But last night “train engineer” Martin (you can definitely get the Playmobile figure of him with a hard hat, a big spanner and an appealing tiny little clip on inspection lamp) made a herb and vegetable soup which just look great really fresh clean and tasty.

Maybe it’s the way they shoot the food or the way Crockett and Tubbs force whole mouthfuls of food in at once. Crockett sorry Gregg seems to get the handle of the spoon to almost touch his forehead as he tucks into another pud, his eyes rolling into his head like a bespectacled Essex shark in a suet frenzy.

But no I often don’t often think “mmm that looks good” partly because after having seen some Kite-surfing web designer sweating into his chocolate fondant it’s not always that appealing.

Down the market: I know it’s the law for all food programmes to film at Borough Market but it is getting a bit dull. Nice place and all that but there must be other markets. I know budgets won’t stretch to a day in Bury buying black pudding but west London must have somewhere that sells the odd conference pear and cerrano ham?

The way it’s going you half expect to see the customers in the background of a shot to be Rick Stein, Jamie and Heston all with camera crew in tow enthusing over the same packet of pigs trotters. I think the only chefs never to film at Borough are “Big Chef little Chef” and that’s only because the snooty types in Neal’s Yard dairy refused to make a picture of a cross channel ferry out of bits of stilton, cheddar and Staffordshire oatcakes!

If it’s Tuesday...

MC Update:

Spurious Job Title of the Day: Sports PR Manager ... no me neither I have suspicion he's the bloke who wanders around the edge of footy pitches on match day making sure the likes of Toby Tyke don't fall over the corner flag and of course he was called "Charlie"

MC relief barman:

Britain's Leading Beer Writer writes with his "A beer to go with Masterchef": it has to be something LOUD and yet predictable, but none the worse for that. Comforting like an old friend but with the occasional hint of spiciness. I'm thinking Young's Special London Ale or Fuller's ESB. Cheers PB.

" I really love your dumplings"

"Money where my mouth is time. "
He’s my masterchef tea:
Saffron Chicken broth with Butternut squash dumplings.

This is sort of rough chicken soup made golden with saffron. The dumplings where just a last minute idea of a way to use up a bit of roast dinner they are very light and well who doesn’t like dumplings!

Here’s the ingredients:
The measurements are rough because well it’s not that sort of soup.
1 and half litres of stock (from the roast chicken)
A carrot, a parsnip, a small fennel bulb, 3-4 sticks celery diced small.
A quarter of a cabbage (shredded)
The remains of a roast cooked chicken.
Half a roasted mashed butternut squash (left over from the roast dinner)
2-3 dessert spoons on flour
Pinch of saffron.
Splash of olive oil

Here’s what to do:
Serves 3-4.
Preparation: about the length of Masterchef double edition!
1. Sautee the diced veg except the cabbage and the tops of the celery.
2. When the veg has softened add the stock and saffron and simmer for 10 minutes with the lid on.
3. While the soups cooking make the dumplings stir the flour into the squash to make a firmer paste you can season it a little as well. And roll into 2 cm balls (they swell a bit). Leave aside for later.
4. Next shred the cooked chicken and add to the soup and cook for a further 10 minutes with the lid on.
5. Stir in the shredded cabbage and celery tops into the soup
6. And then gently added the dumplings (make sure there’s some free liquid for them to float in so add extra stock or water if needs be)
7. Cover with lid and cook until the dumplings are cooked this depends on the size etc but is about 5-10 mins (I often slice one open to check they are done)
8. Check the seasoning and serve.

The dumplings would obviously go very well with a veggie soup perfectly

Masterchef the battle continues

It’s those men again tonight’s MC.

The class war continues on the latest heat we ended up the poshos against the honest salt of the earth scouser. To mind wine merchant Max disqualified himself from the off as he already had a job in the “food industry“ being a wine merchant and although his cooking looked good a sideways carreer move isn’t dramatic enough really. Next up was Sophie Winner of the spurious job title of the day “Business Analyst”.

Now I’m sure businesses need analysing but can you really, no really analyse someone else’s business when you only 22? Youth is glorious thing but you know certain things take time like good whiskey and Blue Nile Lps! Oh I don’t know maybe it’s a good thing she wants to be cook.
Next up was lovely cheeky scouser (sorry slipped into a stereotype again) David who wanted to run a deli (selling hard to find meat) and bistro (presumably doing the same).

Thankfully natural justice was done a David won through, although will class bias strike again soon?
Next up was the quarter finals and the rather cruel taste and ambition test (which should be after the cooking) sadly for David and possibly his deli counter his knowledge of food was poor so out he went without picking up a spoon.

So to the cook off: Julian with his grey floppy hair and James May shirt was over doing it again, also he seems to rather proud of having a French wife. He’s mentioned her about 10 times so far. I think the implications is that this means he’s absorbed gallic flair with food, seeing as the worst meal I’ve ever had in restaurant was in France I’m not entirely sure about this are all Japanese sushi chefs?. Anyway he showed off and cocked up. Same went for Marilyn(?) who really was only happy making cakes so on the rails came the attractive (I see pattern a merging) Temp Angela with her safe but complete menu so deservedly she won.

Seasoned opinion makers

It's Thursday it must be time for a Masterchef Update:
Further to "S" comments see last post:
Can I coin a new rule of thumb/life namely:

BLTP's Sodium Chloride Gambit of TV cookery:
When asked their opinion of any dish (savoury or sweet!) a professional chef will always say "needs more salt".This is code for it's totally perfectly but I'm dammed if I'm going to admit it. I didn't peel spuds for 3 years whilst being berated by drunk french man so some "Advertising Consultant" from Reading can do better than me in half an hour in some shed in Twickenam I've got 2 Michelin stars and Blonde wife.....

Did he say "boudaful"

My hourly Masterchef update!

I know there is nothing more exciting than Masterchef but how about spicing up your nightly viewing with a Masterchef drinking games!

Tuesday stuff

Turning Rebellion into money pt29: Rock and Brown wholemeal roll.

I’ve fairly indifferent to Lilly Allen’s music and I’m slightly less enamoured of her constantly clogging up the press falling out of pubs and snogging random famous blokes but it’s not the end of the world.

But well wasn’t pop meant to be a bit more exciting than Tescos. Even buying singles from brown house coated middle aged ladies in Smiths was a bit more exciting than buying cd’s from Tescos. The other ads on this e-mail were for brown baps and half fat mature cheddar did Stuart Leslie Goddard change his name, mug a pirate for pop to become a loss leader for indifferent cheese butties and car insurance.

Masterchef quote of the day

Greg “the Honey Monster” Wallace (you have to end the sentence on a low growl )

“Lamb out ......Cheeeese cake in!”

Blonde Ambition

What we learnt for last night telly: Master Chef

We all know Masterchef is genius but tonight's show did make me wonder just a tad. It started with the dread words ".....a keen experimental cook". Why do they bother these kitchen Marie Curies with their "crazy I just throw things in pan and see what happens" experiments. You just know that at the end of the clip there's going to be a charred plate of former food usually semi raw rice, singed chicken with some random fruit on the top. In tonight's programme there was a liquidised plate of risotto made by one giggling short lived hapless experimentalist.
Next up there's the usual parade of people trying to get into the "food industry", well I don't know about other places but walk down most streets in London and you can get a job in the "food industry" except if you are a financial adviser who wants to run their own deli in Cobham you might not really want to do it the standard way and so take the easy option of a couple of weeks on Masterchef and bobs ya uncle the keys to humus and sunblushed tomato counter are yours, possibly.

Anyway tonight's show did have some good cooks on but it also had Belinda an Aussie (27) (Masterchef like the Daily Mail are very keen on how old people are) financial adviser, who seemed to have only eaten food made from recipes in magazines found at the gym. You know the stuff a random assortment of "superfoods", weird grains and chicken with no skin on. Her food was very new world with her own twist in that everything came with fruit compote.

Belinda also had another killer ingredient she was 6 ft tall blonde and good looking. Greg Wallace and John Torrode almost exploded with cartoonish lust when she walked in.
Belinda also had ambition not some foodie " I've always dreamed of my own little cafe" obsession just general good old fashion ambition. I felt sorry for the other cooks particularly when she came into the interview section in hot pants! Much like Greg and John I can't remember what see said something about wanting to work in food or something.

Before we get back to the final cook off does anyone know why we need these toe curling interview bits. When I was a kid and watched "Superstars" I didn't care why James Hunt or Brian Jacks wanted to win, they just did. Same went for the "Generation Game" or "Mastermind" nowadays contestants have to "have a journey", have to "really want it", to "change their life". So we have to cringe while Anna, (a teacher) gave up her sister's wedding to appear on the show and Matt a burly biker told of his dream of a little place by the sea with the kids. But anyway we got through to the final round having heard everyone's heartbreaking thwarted food business dreams and had another good look at Belinda's pins. The final was a close affair with Matt and Anne making cracking dishes (yay for Anna's rhubarb bread and butter pudding and Matt's smoked scallops) but it also did throw up.

My Masterchef quote of the day:

Greg Wallace to the hotpant wearing eyelash batting coconut pudding baking raspberry stuffing Belinda (27)

"Belinda... I really do love your cakes"

In the distance the kitchen's smoke alarms we bleeping as the smoke and steam rose from Gregg's shiny greengrocer's dome.
Sadly for Belinda her post modern gym food brunch menu didn't win out nor did sadly Anna's refined Northern English fare (a slightly underdone duck breast let her down) no it was Matt who got to ride off into the semi final. Anna will probably sign up for a chefs course or jack in science teaching and become a commis chef in some restaurant in Provence, good luck to her I'm sure she'll do well.
Belinda meanwhile clumped off into a golden sunset, she'll do alright people will "love her cakes" were ever she goes and it will be sunny brunches all over the globe, be it Sydney harbour, Canary wharf or who knows where. Ambition (and hot pants) like that are seldom thwarted.

Barnstorming Wallis

Master Chef reheated:

Had a request for a review of the final. I missed it when it first went out on Thurs (I was at lecture) I caught it this afternoon, switching to and fro from the Grand Prix (Hamilmania anyone).

I have aired my doubts early in this blog about the format but in and of its self its perfectly fine tv. I think this series hasn't totally taken off due to poor quality of the cooks taking part. I think it was mistake to loose the garrulous Geordie David(?) as he had potential to do well.

Of the the finalists I think Steve Wallis was the obvious winner, the posh cheese shop owner Ben was too posh and couldn't make food tasty. The nervous "country lawyer" Hanna (which makes her sounds like a Beatrix Potter charcter ) could never make 3 excellent "plates" of food in row.

So, Steve ,his scarf and fluster rightly won. Mr "Boodaful plate of food" baldy judge Gregg kept alluding to him being "flamboyant" presumably in the same way Larry Grayson was "Flamboyant". I thought we had got away from this sort of innuendo.

I have one gripe though I can't really see why we need a whole week of tasks which don't count for anything. As all the judging seems to be done on the last meal. Also have you noticed that whenever a professional chef is given some food to taste on TV, if they can't find anything wrong they always say it needs more salt, so reluctant are they to give praise.

One last thing if "pears, chocolate sauce and ice cream" makes you Masterchef, I can proudly announce next years winner......... it's My Dad. Yes, BLTP senior who spent hours feeding us ungrateful wretches, use to knock out this dish for a special afters. Now I will admit the pears were tinned "Bartlett pear halves", the ice cream out of the Freezer but the sauce was home made a sort of coco custard and it was delish, in fact it was boodaful plate of food!

Mastechef!

Master chef goes large has been back for a few weeks and it is good fun,. It whips along and particularly early in the week provides enough cringe making disasters to keep you involved. The mix of challenges is also interesting although they all seem to involve shouting “yes chef” all the time. The two judges John Torode and Gregg Wallace are suitably nasty in their marking. I do wonder whether some times the production company favour some contestants for “colour” or balance and this effects the votes. Also wouldn’t 3 judges make decisions easier.
My only gripe about the show is a bit self defeating in that it is called masterchef and I think it’s too cheffy. There’s lots of talk of “plates of food” (not meals) of “clean favours” and the “wow factor“! We all are expected to belief that everyone on the show wants to be a top chef which always begs the question why they just don’t got to catering college (or daren’t they give up their jobs as “top city analyst“). Also have you noticed that the one who says “I’m a really adventurous cook who likes to experiment “usually makes something horrid with mango in it.

The programme is also skewed to high French cooking. In the last series an Indian cook was encouraged to broaden her skills to French and Italian . Which generally is a good thing but the guy who started cooking French food ended cooking French food and won the show. The narrow time format also discriminates against some of the worlds great dishes. It’s hard to cook oxtail in an hour and a half, or soften a chick pea, steam puddings take several hours and most classic stews are better the next day. So we get those tiny sprigs of lamb, shallow fried chicken breasts etc.

I think there needs to be a Mastercook show ( or to be more to true to life Mistresscook) designed for the champion home cook, not like old mastechef, a celebration of middle class foodie dinner party nonsense but good day to day food. There could the “beat the moped “ where you have to cook a meal in the time it takes the take way delivery boy to arrive. The “3 starving kids better than MacDonald’s challenge“, the sexy packed lunch . Of course dinner party food can come into it but the winner would be the cook who spent longest at the table chatting to their friends not crying in the kitchen because they can’t make sugar bowls like the James Martin. Oh and contestant would loose points for putting “off” after every cooking verb!